Definitely NOT The Mossad

Our "Everyday" Divisions

Weather Manipulation

Did it rain on your wedding day? That wasn't irony. You just forgot to pay your "protection" fee to the cloud seeding department.
Avian Surveillance

You know the meme "Birds Aren't Real"? We started that to hide the fact that birds actually work for us. Send seeds to your local pigeons.
Space Laser Calibration

Ensuring pinpoint accuracy for totally peaceful atmospheric heating. Please wear SPF 5000 tomorrow. You've been warned.

Frequently Intercepted Questions

Is my webcam on right now?

It wasn't until you asked. By the way, nice shirt. Though you might want to fix your posture.

Do you secretly control global politics?

Please. If we actually controlled the world, do you really think we would have let 2020 happen? We're omnipotent, not sadistic.

Why did the spy cross the road?

To seamlessly plant a micro-transmitter inside the chicken. The chicken is now an active asset. Do not approach the chicken.

Are you really reading my mind?

No, we just read your search history. It's basically the same thing, just way more embarrassing for you.